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Brief Synopsis:

alexa marie.

woman. 21. single.
charm city, maryland.
pink. green. brown.
sarcastic. loud. easy-going.
artsy. fun-loving. colorful.
rock. pop. classic.
half deaf. all ears.

I plan on going back to school to
Howard Community College to
get a certificate in Graphic Design

Until then,
I'm just dicking around.

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11 March 09

Attack of the Panics!

I was just having a normal, chill day with Samantha. We were kinda worried about how neither of us have jobs right now, but we went to Lowes and asked if they were hiring, which, of course, they weren’t.

So we end up riding around wasting time, then go hang out at our friend Lauren’s dorm. We’re just hanging out, chilling, and all of the sudden, out of NOWHERE, I started feeling suffocated, like I couldn’t breathe and my heart began to feel like it was beating out of my chest. I started freaking out and telling my friends something was wrong and that they needed to call 911 because I felt like I was going to die. I wound up fleeing the room, all dizzily and lightheaded, gasping for breath. It was AWFUL, I was freaking out on the couch in the common room for like 20 minutes. Sam had to convince me that my heart rate was completely normal and that I was breathing perfectly fine.

We pretty much agreed that I had had a major panic attack. Everything described on that page is EXACTLY what happened to me.

From Wikipedia:

“Panic attacks are very sudden, discrete periods of intense anxiety, mounting physiological arousal, fear, stomach problems and discomfort that are associated with a variety of somatic and cognitive symptoms. The onset of these episodes is typically abrupt, and may have no obvious triggers. Some, notably first-time sufferers, may call for emergency services. Many who experience a panic attack, mostly for the first time, fear they are having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown. Sufferers of panic attacks often report a fear or sense of dying, “going crazy”, or experiencing a heart attack or “flashing vision”, feeling faint or nauseated, heavy breathing, or losing control of themselves. These feelings may provoke a strong urge to escape or flee the place where the attack began (a consequence of the sympathetic “fight or flight” response).”

Everything in bold is exactly what I just experienced. I have never had a panic attack, and I had no IDEA how horrible and intense it could be, and how unexpected and random it was. It was especially bad since I was probably  not in the right mind set to deal with something like that at the time. It was a truly awful experience, it felt like a bad trip, except it was worse cause it was REAL and completely not drug-related.

So yeah, that was my day… I took some Xanex to calm me down, and I feel much better now, and hella tired.

Comments (View)
Posted: 12:50 AM

New Beginnings

When I was in highschool, I had a LiveJournal…

Actually, strike that… I had about FIVE Livejournals.

Back in the early 2000s, LiveJournal (or Lj), was all the rage for adolesents to vent and rant and cry about how hard life is. I mean, being fourteen years old *is* pretty rough. Mom won’t let you wear a lot of dark eyeliner, the hottest 15 year old in school doesn’t even know you exist, and your parents are holding you back from being a perfectly capable adult… right?

Well, here I am now, almost 20-something, and frankly, I’m embarrassed to read through my old journals. “Was I really at one point THAT pathetic?” My emo poems, obsession with Benji Madden from GC, my kitty cat skull patches… I guess, now, looking back, I wasn’t as cool as I thought.

But a couple things have changed since early 2000.

One, blogs are the new LiveJournal.

Two, I am NOT a loser this time around.

I’ve been reincarnated into someone with confidence, an eye for beauty, and the urge to learn, grow and discover.

Welcome.

to my blog.

Comments (View)
Themed by Hunson. Originally by Josh